Monday, March 10, 2025

Flaws & All: How I Learned to Love My Imperfections


 I was 27 when I first started learning to love myself. I was getting divorced and wasn’t sure who I was anymore without someone else’s influence. I don’t think I had ever known. It was messy and uncomfortable and I remember wanting to throw myself immediately into another relationship to try and make it easier. 


I told myself ‘No!’ No Tinder for at least six months. I had lost most of my friends because of my previous relationship, so I didn’t even have them to distract me.

I moved in with my cousin near the beach. That little purple room, with its big mirror and a picture of Marilyn Monroe, became my sanctuary. And this is where the magic started ✨✨✨.

I spent so much time alone there, drinking red wine and watching the L word, dreaming of what I wanted my new life to be like.


The very first thing I did was take myself to the movies. I am terrified of theatres but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. I went to watch 50 Shades of Grey. I wasn’t into the movie, so I left early. But I still felt proud. I had done it. And that was the start of something new: taking myself out on dates.

I would go to the library, the bowling alley, bars, restaurants, and malls. It was so freaking hard to make myself at first, but after a while it got easier. At first, I was terrified of what people might think, being alone, going places solo. But you know what I learned? I’m great company.

I started to not care what people might think, and ended up meeting new people, enjoying new experiences, and learning so much about myself. 


I think this is also when I started my first inner child work. Having lost my mom to murder at 18, and surviving attempted murder myself, I had a lot to work through there. 

I used to deny myself (what others considered) frivolous things that I wanted like stuffed animals, cute blankets, and anything with Hello Kitty. I never liked how I looked so I wouldn’t buy anything extra like tights or thigh highs or cute dresses that took me out of my comfort zone. So, I did.

I started getting myself those silly things I liked, and it was so healing. For the first time, I allowed myself joy without shame. I eventually moved out into my own studio (another thing I had been told I could never do, and honestly didn’t believe I could either because of my PTSD). Surrounding myself with all of these cute little things made me fall in love with being in my space. That was so important for me. For many trauma survivors, it’s hard to feel safe and enjoy the space you’re in. I think this is also why I didn’t feel I deserve nice things or to be comfortable. 

Now… when it comes to the dressy stuff. Wow! Buying new dresses, tights and thigh highs made me feel like a million bucks. I would take out my iphone and set it on the self timer and take photos of myself. Yep. This began my love and still-never-ending relationship with the ‘selfie’. People love to hate selfies and people taking them, so I never did it. No one was around to judge me, so I stopped judging myself. I learned to fall in love with myself through the lens of my iPhone.

A picture from one of my old blogs! I've been blogging forever!


I started to like what I saw looking back at me. 

It was like, maybe I could see what others saw me as. Everything was fine with my body- we were starting to get along, but I still (and still do!) struggle with my face. 

And now, because nothing is ever linear or ‘complete’ when it comes to this, I struggle with body issues because of my weight. I’m working on it for myself, but with love and grace instead of hate and cruelty. That’s another post for itself, though.

Everything was perfect in my little bubble- my cute studio apartment filled with everything I loved, my new wardrobe and confidence, and the knowledge that I didn’t NEED anyone else to make me feel complete. I was becoming my own best friend. It was really a beautiful thing and a beautiful time in my life.

Has it always been easy? No! This was 12 years ago, and while I mostly love myself, I still struggle. Mental health plays a big part in it, too. I have depression, bipolar, anxiety, and PTSD, so living with those can be a struggle and they all play their roles in my life. 

I’m still learning, still growing. And that’s the beauty of it! Self-love isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. And I’m so glad you’re here with me. ✨ 





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Saturday, March 1, 2025

New Release: Picking Up The Pieces by Lilly Rose Crow


 

Picking Up The Pieces by Lilly Rose Crow


Picking Up the Pieces: Life After Trauma" is a raw and powerful poetic memoir by Lilly Rose Crow that delves into the struggles of living with mental illness. Through evocative verse, Crow explores the complexities of borderline personality disorder, depression, and trauma, painting an intimate portrait of pain, resilience, and healing.

From the chaos of self-loathing and numbness to the tender journey of self-discovery in "Letters to My Inner Child," the memoir captures the inner battles of a fractured mind. Ultimately, Crow’s words offer a message of hope: that amidst the darkness of mental illness, it is possible to find strength, reclaim one’s identity, and rediscover light.


Get your copy!






New Release: Cruel Devotion by Kenya Wright

 




Cruel Devotion: Ambw Mafia Romance (Ruthless Legacy Book 2) by Kenya Wright


Betrayal cuts deeper than any blade.
Obsession burns hotter than revenge.


Lei has ruled the East with an unrelenting grip, commanding fear and loyalty in equal measure. But Monique awakens a dangerous craving he can’t ignore.

She’s not just a distraction.
She’s becoming his ultimate weakness.

With treachery closing in and the line between ally and enemy blurred, Lei and Monique’s bond will either shatter their enemies or ignite a fire that consumes them both.

Can they survive the storm together?
Or will their passion bring this ruthless legacy crashing down?



Start the series here: https://amzn.to/4i151UK

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New Release: Drew by Vic Leigh


 

Drew: Steele Security and Investigations (The Defender Series Book 1) by Vic Leigh


Drew Steel is not only an IT whiz kid, but a former Marine. Known for working with some of the highest-ranking individuals in the country, it's not long before he receives a call from none other than the Vice President. His best friend, Senator Brighton, needs a favor. Now on a mission to gather his men to head to a hostile country to save not just any Marine, but someone close to the Vice President.
The Senator’s Daughter.

Despite being severely injured, Drew finds himself attracted to the Marine. 
Will Bailey give him the time of day, or will she say get lost? Will her father influence her to come back to Washington or will she stay in Ft. Worth? Find out in the suspenseful, military romance